On Companionship

Just finished watching the adorable Drew Barrymore/Justin Long vehicle Going the Distance and I'm reminded yet again that I want my meetcute. I want that partner that challenges you, makes you laugh, makes you feel sexy. I want to be overwhelmed by my feelings for someone else. I want someone to lure me out of my own head. I just don't think I have what it takes to completely surrender to that feeling. Whatever I've had, whenever a boy has liked me, I've completely ruined it by not opening myself up to it. I'm so closed in, I don't know if I'll ever be coaxed out, and that just makes me so sad. Am I really one of those freaks that will never love anybody? Why is this so hard for me? I just want...I just want.