Scaredy cat

Why, oh, why do I run from my responsibilities? I feel like I have a million things I have to do, and last night, instead of doing one of them, I spent four hours reading fanfiction. Really?!? It's so much easier to drown myself in the goings on of fictional characters than it is to face what I have made of my life. I'm so scared all the time and I'm sick of the feeling. Scared to try, scared to succeed, so I just hide myself away. Intellectually I know I've gotten too old for these games, I don't want to wake up at 45 and still be in exactly the same spot I am right now (or worse, two steps back) but I can't seem to cowgirl up and do what it is I know I must do. I'm done with doing the easy thing; now I must do the right thing.