Watching the Oscars last night (how adorable were Anne Hathaway and James Franco?), I thought about my childhood dream of one day winning an Oscar and I wonder, what happened to that dream? Is it possible to pick it back up or at a certain point do you admit defeat and think of new dreams?
I've always been fascinated with the movie-making business and I know I have the talents to have at least a modicum of success in the writing field, but I never quite thought I was good enough for the business. I just knew the Powers That Be would take one look at me and scream 'Next!'; deeming me unwanted and unworthy. My paralyzing fear of rejection has kept me from my deepest, most abiding dream.
My fear of rejection has held me back from living as furiously and passionately as I can. I didn't pursue my dream of being an actress, I'm tongue-tied and useless around people I'm sexually attracted to, hell, I can't even call up friends and invite them out for fear they'll tell me they have the always nebulous 'other plans.'
I am tired of living this way. This fear has completely eaten my life and eradicated any motivation I've had to go after anything out of the ordinary I've wanted for myself. How do you talk yourself out of being afraid? Is that not the point? Is the lesson learnt in being afraid but doing in spite of?
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