On Life

I am so ready for my adult life to begin! I want my degree! My certificate! My awesome, fun job that allows to pay for things, like, rent, light/gas, trips, a new car and have money left over to save and donate! I want that awesome man that is so ready to love me the way I want to be loved! I'm ready to love him the way he wants to be loved! I want my Great American Novel to be published to great acclaim and sales! I want my first screenplay to be optioned and cast w/a gorgeous male lead and a real female lead! I want my family healthy and happy! I want my friends to know how much they are loved! I just want! want! want!

On Peace

I can't even think b/c of the awesomeness that was my weekend. Got endless face time with the bestie, saw Harry Potter at Navy Pier, then Sunday I was able to just relax in a way I haven't in a long time and today I am filled with peace, so no angsting from me today. The neuroses will find their way back to me, but for today, I am well. I hope everyone else is, as well.

On Decisions

Indecision is my enemy. And my closet companion. It's definite that once I make a decision, I will promptly unmake it. I can't ever just decide on something and let it be. I must think and think and think upon it, till I think it out of existence. I wish I was resolute, I am not, I am destined to always be flapping about in the wind.

On Learning From One's Mistakes

I cannot keep making the same mistakes over and over. I have vowed that I will not hit my head on the same wall, the only difference being the space in between the hits. While I don't want to work and go to school at the same time, I cannot be without a job. I spent my 20s hopping from job to job with long droughts of willfull unemployment and I get sick just thinking about being in the same predicament. I think the best thing for me mentally is to keep working. I don't make nearly enough money now and it stresses me out, I can't imagine the circles my mind would be running in if I didn't have any income coming in. I can't rely on unemployment because I'm sure that could run out at any second, so, I guess I should prepare myself for a different kind of stress; working full-time while going to school part-time. Oy. Wish me luck.

On Love

Last night I told the universe I was ready for a good man to come into my life and enrich it. The surprising thing? I meant it. I have a deep fear of intimacy; I have never been witness to a man making a woman's life better and I am terrified of opening myself up to vulnerability because it's not a question of if a man will hurt but when and I just don't want to deal with that heartbreak, but...I am ready for companionship. I am ready to feel protected, loved, taken care of. Mostly, I'm ready for the sex. Jeez Louise an I ready for a beautiful man to put it on me! So, yes, Universe, send me a man who is open and willing and ready for me. I am ready for him.

On Revolution

When did I become a normal? Wake every morning at the same time, eat the same breakfast, wear the same clothes, drive the same route, going to the same job where I do the same thing everyday. Now, I never thought I'd be dangerous, but I also never thought I'd be average either. Where's my rock 'n' roll lifestyle? I cannot abide this normalcy. I must become a creative and posthaste, because I can feel corporate america leeching out all of my creative energy, a drop of it gone everyday I do the same brain-numbingly boring thing. The revolution will be personal.

On Thoughts

How do you get your mind to be at ease? My mind is a constant carousel of what is worrying me; money, school, financial aid, dating, my parents, etc., and it's driving me mad! What aids can I use to calm myself? Where will I find serenity? Can it be found? Or is this just what it means to be an adult?