Sexless in the Suburbs

I really wanted to avoid talking about weight, dating, etc in this blog because they are such stereotypical topics for women to discuss, but...every stereotype is steeped in truth. Those are two things that are prevalent topics on my mind. All my girlfriends, with the exception of one, are married. All of them! And I'm not even dating anyone. There isn't even a person in my life that I want to think about dating! How is this fair? What's wrong with me that no one ever thinks to ask me out on a date. Or the ones that are interested are completely inappropriate? Like that married guy at work who's trying to get a little too close for comfort? (Ew, just a big fat no)! What vibes am I sending out in the world that I'm still alone? I fear that I'm going to be 45, fat, living at home with my parents, no options, no hope. I dread becoming the cat lady. You know who I'm talking about. I would like to become close to somebody, but the longer that doesn't happen, the harder it is for me to let anyone in. I called myself dating someone in 2009, and he was a decent guy, average looking (but had lovely eyes), employed, funny and he shared my love of movies. But I found something wrong with him. He was a lot younger than me (six years), he lived at home too, so we didn't have a place to really be alone and he wasn't take charge enough for me. He was always looking for me to lead but I had absolutely zilch experience in dating so I had no idea where to lead him to and that ended up frustrating him as well as me. We text each other every now and then and I whenever I see his number, I have a brief thought of trying to make it work, but then I think, are you just settling? I don't think he's the one for me, but would being with him be better than being alone? I haven't tried to pursue anything with him because I don't like it when women settle, but is settling better than having some magical list of qualities and attributes that no man could ever hope to live up to? Right now I'm thinking about cutting down the list to: Alive, Single and willing to hang out with me. How do you even go about meeting someone? All I ever do is work and when I'm not working, I'm at home on the couch watching reruns of 'Criminal Minds' (yum, Shemar Moore. And Matthew Gray Gubler). I just want to meet someone to hang out with; why is that so hard for me?

It's a New Life

I feel like I'm on the precipice of...something, something big, something life-changing and I feel nervous all of the time. I'm nervous, my thoughts are scattered all over the place and the only thing I can concentrate on is the thought, 'Nothing will happen to you unless you make it' and I don't want this sentiment to paralyze me; I feel like I have so much to do but I'm my own worst enemy. I always find a way to get in my own way. I will not allow anymore time to be wasted; I must gather myself so I can attack and get things done.

It's a New Life

It's Valentine's Day and I'm single. As per the course. I am no longer happy with the status quo, though. I want to date, to flirt, to touch, to feel. It's not that I'm tired of being alone, I prefer my own company to all others, still, but I need to get out of my comfort zone. And my comfort zone is a solitary place. I want the company of others now, to go out and laugh, dance, share my time with someone worthy. I think I've been keeping myself away from the world because I didn't feel worthy of the kind of man that I want, but you know what? Forget that! I deserve to have a good man interested in me! I am beautiful, smart, fun, funny and a genuinely good person. I want that great man by my side and I'm going to get him. Look out world cuz here I come.

It's a New Day

I'm still feeling pretty good about officially being in my thirties. I am going to make this my year. I realize now that I can't sit around and wait for good things to happen to/for me, I have to make them happen. That seems so simple, but that is something I didn't understand throughout my twenties. It's amazing all of the things I hadn't figured out during my early to late twenties. Around twenty-eight, something just clicked and said, 'you have to grow up now.' Like Voldemort said in the last Harry Potter book, 'I understand those things I did not understand before.' And that's so true for me, I do. Everything is illuminated now and it looks beautiful.

It's a New Dawn...

I am officially in my thirties and...I feel fine. I'm excited about this new ambition I feel flowing in my blood. I'm hungry in a way I just wasn't in my twenties and I'm ready to go out and eat the world! I realize not only the need for a plan, but the need for plans within plans. I like this new me, she's exciting!