Hello, Me

So, I guess I'm still me. Still hibernating, still not trying anything to get me out of my comfort zone. I would really love to not disappoint myself, but how does one get out of oneself? I'm tired of being afraid. How does one outrun fear of themselves?

Wherefore art thou, absent muse?

I haven't written anything in two weeks. I feel like I'm all out of words. How can I get out of this funk? I miss the very act of writing, being creative. How does one go about actively looking for inspiration? Do I watch my favorite movies? Listen to my favorite music? Re-read my favorite books? I don't know, but tommorrow, I'm going to actively work on figuring it out!

New month, new beginnings

I've decided that December is going to be the month of, wait for it, AWESOME (why yes, I have been obsessively watching 'How I Met Your Mother'). Meaning, that I'm going to try and be adventurous, do things that I've always been too scared to do. And that pretty much means every and anything. It's a strange business, stepping out your front door (thanks, Bilbo!) and I intend on getting caught up in life! I'm tired of being afraid to put myself out there, I'm just going to have to get a new way of dealing with rejection, because avoiding it has meant that I've avoided living the life I was meant to have. So, here's to new things, new people, new sights, a new life. I'm excited, I haven't felt this way in a long time.

The Working Writer

So today marks the second week of NaNoWriMo and the first week was ROUGH. I barely wrote three pages, inspiration not coming easily. I had spent weeks excited at the prospect of starting my novel, I felt I finally had an idea that I could see to the end, but I had a frustrating first day (thanks for that world) that I just couldn't seem to recover from last week. But I feel rejuvenated and I spent all afternoon working on "the novel" (I do have a title that I absolutely love, simple and to the point) and I hit the daily goal I set for myself and that feels remarkably good. There are things I know I want to change already, but I'm trying something different this go around, instead of editing as I write, I'm just gonna go with the words that end up on my page until the bitter end. I've never truly had a rough draft, when I felt I was finished with a piece that ended up being the only draft because of the major overhauls I'd made during the writing of it, but I want to see if this way of writing will allow me to be easier on myself during the actual work of writing. Here's to a new way of doing an old endeavour!

New World Order

It is the third week of my layoff and I feel I have acquitted myself well. Oh, there has been lots of lazing about and eating, but I feel like I've made real in-roads on my writing. I can see my collection of short stories really taking shape and I'm going to participate in NanoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, which starts November first, and I'm extremely excited about that. I have an idea that I love and I feel I can sustain for 50,000 words (the goal) and I'm actually itching to start but I'm going to wait until the first, so it won't feel like I'm cheating. I feel excited and rejuvenated, so much to the point that I'm trying to plot a way I can do this until I'm finished with my collection of stories (ideally I'd like ten) and my novel is finished and ready to be published. How do writers get paid to write? That's the dream, the dream I've been too scared to fully pursue, because what if I failed? What if I found out I wasn't good enough? What if I was good enough and still no one was interested? But enough with that, I'm ready to take a risk, ready to finally live. I never knew that having a purpose felt quite like this. I feel amazing and I hope it transfers to how I treat other people because I want everyone to feel as good as I do. This moment is beautiful, this moment is all I have.

It's Me again!

So, today was the first workday of my lay-off and...it was a bit weird. The weather was mystifyingly beautiful so I was grateful that I wasn't cooped up in the office not enjoying it, but I feel I struggled in finding things to keep me occupied. I'm a person that doesn't do well with free time, I idle and I eat. I have to find ways to occupy my time so that I don't resort to old habits, oh, and I have to fight against my natural inclinations of gluttony and sloth for three months. This should be interesting. I know I should probably fill my time with museums, art galleries, bike rides, but I most likely won't. I would love to be that person who gets up in the morning and decides to go for a five mile hike, or to get on the train and visit the Art Institute downtown, but I love my creature comforts and it is like pulling teeth to get me to do something outside of my normal routine and if someone tells me I need to try something different? I roll my eyes and proceed to not listen to them as hard as I can. How does one fight against their nature? I want to be awesome active person, but it's so much easier to just read a book or watch a television show. How does one fake it till they make it?

Hi World!

I recently weighed myself and I am now at the highest weight I've ever been at. I don't know how to process this. This number means that I have to change. Everything. Here's the catch; I don't want to. I know I'm not active enough, but I enjoy my sedantary life. I enjoy all the complex carbohydrates and empty calories I scarf down when I'm sitting in front of the tv. I enjoy my life the way it's set up and I know to change the way I eat, the way I move, I have to change the way I think, the way I enjoy myself and I'm simply not ready for that. But when will I be? How can I go through a seismic change and end up on the other side of it trimmer and healthier? What has to happen? Diabetes? A stroke? A heart attack? I don't want to get to that point, but there is still that stupid part of me that thinks I never will. I haven't shaken the invincible fallacy yet, even at thirty years of age I think I will live forever. I need help but I'm not the type to ask for it, what has to happen for me to finally see? How do you change everything you are?