The Working Writer

So today marks the second week of NaNoWriMo and the first week was ROUGH. I barely wrote three pages, inspiration not coming easily. I had spent weeks excited at the prospect of starting my novel, I felt I finally had an idea that I could see to the end, but I had a frustrating first day (thanks for that world) that I just couldn't seem to recover from last week. But I feel rejuvenated and I spent all afternoon working on "the novel" (I do have a title that I absolutely love, simple and to the point) and I hit the daily goal I set for myself and that feels remarkably good. There are things I know I want to change already, but I'm trying something different this go around, instead of editing as I write, I'm just gonna go with the words that end up on my page until the bitter end. I've never truly had a rough draft, when I felt I was finished with a piece that ended up being the only draft because of the major overhauls I'd made during the writing of it, but I want to see if this way of writing will allow me to be easier on myself during the actual work of writing. Here's to a new way of doing an old endeavour!

New World Order

It is the third week of my layoff and I feel I have acquitted myself well. Oh, there has been lots of lazing about and eating, but I feel like I've made real in-roads on my writing. I can see my collection of short stories really taking shape and I'm going to participate in NanoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, which starts November first, and I'm extremely excited about that. I have an idea that I love and I feel I can sustain for 50,000 words (the goal) and I'm actually itching to start but I'm going to wait until the first, so it won't feel like I'm cheating. I feel excited and rejuvenated, so much to the point that I'm trying to plot a way I can do this until I'm finished with my collection of stories (ideally I'd like ten) and my novel is finished and ready to be published. How do writers get paid to write? That's the dream, the dream I've been too scared to fully pursue, because what if I failed? What if I found out I wasn't good enough? What if I was good enough and still no one was interested? But enough with that, I'm ready to take a risk, ready to finally live. I never knew that having a purpose felt quite like this. I feel amazing and I hope it transfers to how I treat other people because I want everyone to feel as good as I do. This moment is beautiful, this moment is all I have.

It's Me again!

So, today was the first workday of my lay-off and...it was a bit weird. The weather was mystifyingly beautiful so I was grateful that I wasn't cooped up in the office not enjoying it, but I feel I struggled in finding things to keep me occupied. I'm a person that doesn't do well with free time, I idle and I eat. I have to find ways to occupy my time so that I don't resort to old habits, oh, and I have to fight against my natural inclinations of gluttony and sloth for three months. This should be interesting. I know I should probably fill my time with museums, art galleries, bike rides, but I most likely won't. I would love to be that person who gets up in the morning and decides to go for a five mile hike, or to get on the train and visit the Art Institute downtown, but I love my creature comforts and it is like pulling teeth to get me to do something outside of my normal routine and if someone tells me I need to try something different? I roll my eyes and proceed to not listen to them as hard as I can. How does one fight against their nature? I want to be awesome active person, but it's so much easier to just read a book or watch a television show. How does one fake it till they make it?

Hi World!

I recently weighed myself and I am now at the highest weight I've ever been at. I don't know how to process this. This number means that I have to change. Everything. Here's the catch; I don't want to. I know I'm not active enough, but I enjoy my sedantary life. I enjoy all the complex carbohydrates and empty calories I scarf down when I'm sitting in front of the tv. I enjoy my life the way it's set up and I know to change the way I eat, the way I move, I have to change the way I think, the way I enjoy myself and I'm simply not ready for that. But when will I be? How can I go through a seismic change and end up on the other side of it trimmer and healthier? What has to happen? Diabetes? A stroke? A heart attack? I don't want to get to that point, but there is still that stupid part of me that thinks I never will. I haven't shaken the invincible fallacy yet, even at thirty years of age I think I will live forever. I need help but I'm not the type to ask for it, what has to happen for me to finally see? How do you change everything you are?

Hi World!

I've had a revelation of sorts since starting this blog and it is this: I'm not an interesting person. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, well, the part of it that isn't spent at work, but I don't have varied interests nor am I the person who has a mass amount of knowledge about various arcane subjects, I'm not outdoorsy, etc, etc, etc. I am a homebody. I enjoy spending my free time watching movies and tv, or reading a good book or perusing the internet. And those aren't activities to turn your nose up at, they're a hell of a lot of fun, but they aren't conducive to being with the ones you love or meeting new people. And that is what I'm missing out on, connections strengthened and connections made.

So how does one go out and live the good life? And what is the definition of the good life? I know I want to meet more people, make new friends, try things I've always been too afraid to do, but how does one get the strength to do that? Is it something you build with your hands or is that seed already inside of you? Like I said before, I am naturally inclined to stay in, behind and out of view, so how do I change who I am fundamentally? Would it be worth it to try? And what would be the reward? Just knowing that I went out on a Saturday night? Whenever I have ventured out to clubs or bars, I usually spend my time wishing I was back at home on my couch.

I don't know, this is all so confusing. I'm gonna go watch Star Trek 2009 and worry about it later.

Drive-by Review

Busy life is busy, but have a quick review:

Janice Y.K. Lee's The Piano Teacher isn't just a novel; it's a fever dream. The colors and smells of wartime Hong Kong burst off the page, as vivid as any firecracker display on the fourth of July. The beauty of Lee's skill is the complete absence of the reader's awareness of it; you feel completely integrated into the world of the monied Hong Kong Chinese and the ex-patriat British with their unfounded superiority complexes. You feel completely surrounded by a world you never knew existed; Lee has delivered a magical debut that establishes her as an expert world builder and a plush, emotional storyteller.

The Piano Teacher is a frame story, simply, a story within a story. Our conduit into this strange new world is Claire Pendleton, a young British ex-patriat following her new husband after he's landed a job overseeing the building of the Tai Lam Cheung reservoir. Immediately she lands her own work as a piano teacher to the well-to-do Chinese family, the Chens. Claire gets the first of many life lessons working for the Chens; she sees for the first time that affluence and class aren't just the providence of the British. She is now a part of the servant class. While Clair and her struggle to self-aware womanhood is filled with milestones most women are uncomfortably familiar with, the story truly comes alive when she meets Will Truesdale and we're transported to 1942 Hong Kong and we meet the real heartbeat of the novel, Trudy Liang.

Trudy looms as large as Hong Kong in The Piano Teacher. She is its beauty, sophistication, confusion and broken heart personified. As a Eurasian, Trudy is neither fully accepted by the Chinese nor the Europeans and this is a metaphor for Hong Kong's culture; stuck between its ancient Chinese roots and the British imperialism bleeding into every aspect of Hong Kong life. As we follow Trudy and Will's love affair through its heady asccension and its tragic but inevitable end, we see a country reach a crescendo of of decadence and revelry, only to be brought low by war and it's utter destruction.

As Lee toggles between the ex-patriats in interment camps run by the conquering Japanese and Claire stuck in her own emotional prison, Lee evokes both horror and pathos with her words, daring the reader to judge these characters, most of them doing anything they can just to survive. The Piano Teacher is grand, lush, evocative and haunting just like the land it so lovingly describes.

Work is driving me crazy

Work is currently WORK!@! and I have no idea how to handle it. This is the first job that I've had that's ever required MORE from me and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I ran away from responsibility for a LONG time and I know that it's no longer an option, but on my run, I didn't exactly equip myself with the skills to separate my professional life from my personal life. How does one find an acceptable work/life balance?

I've seen the beautiful 2009 movie "UP in the Air" and I do not want to mimic George Clooney's character's life, where work was number one and interfered with his personal relationships. I'm not a workaholic but this job is essentially making me one and I do not want to put it first. But...I can't remember the last time I hung out with my friends. When I'm done with work on Saturday afternoon, I just want to collapse on my couch and not move until Monday morning, and that's pretty much what I've been doing for the last three months.

How does one put work in prospective? How do you overcome extreme tiredness when you do want to go out? Do you sacrifice sleep and rest to have a social life? Simply, how does one handle an adult working life?