On Victory

I said I'd post every weekday for the month of March, and surprisingly I did. I say surprisingly because I am notorious for setting goals and not acheiving them. But with this, I did. Those times when I had NOTHING to say (and that was, sadly, quite often) I made myself think of something tangible and remotely interesting, at least to me, on those days when I didn't have time, when all I wanted to do was come home, take a shower and fall into bed, I made myself post because I'm done with breaking promises I make to myself. The fact that I followed through on this feels better than I could ever imagine, and it makes me think that I can always feel like this, if I just stop disappointing myself. From here on out, I vow to never disappoint myself again. Now, I'm not sure what I'll do for the month of April, my immediate thoughts are turning to trying my hand at poetry and posting them on the blog, but we'll see. I know I'm going to take 4/1 off and regroup, but it's been a wonderful, sad, stressed, joyful, busy month and I'm thinking April will probably be more of the same, and I'm definitely going to need the blog to help me make it through.

Under the Wire!

I am filled with inspiration but unable to pin it down and put it on paper. The ideas have form and are just waiting for me to give them shape, yet, somehow, when I sit down to write, nothing comes out. Am I afraid of the ideas? Afraid that once they're ink and paper, they'll be a letdown? But isn't that what revision is for? Even though I am a writer who feels that the more you revise a story, the further it is from what you originally envisioned, I do understand that a good edit has never hurt any story. Or am I afraid of what comes after they're written? Am I afraid that I'll have to enter these stories into competitions, submit them to literary magazines to be judged, and they won't place or be given a slot in the magazine? Yes, I am afraid of the rejection, but now I find I'm more afraid of the idea of never trying, never challenging myself to do better, be better. I'm afraid my 'children' won't win any first place trophies, but I have to make sure they're beautiful and ready to go just in case they are chosen for the pageant.

What is inspiration?

I have been working on the short story I'm currently writing for MONTHS and it's frustrating me because it is not flowing. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. When I write, if it's not flowing, I put it away and go on to the story that is insisting on being told. I have put this one aside, and written one other story that sprang from my head fully formed, but I keep coming back to this story. I am intrigued by the people telling me their lives in whispers and half truths and I want to get to know them fully, but they are tricksy hobbits and won't give it to me straight. My beloved liars got me to thinking on inspiration. What is it? Where does it come from? Do we have to wait on it? Or can we access it at any time?

I am not the kind of writer who can get up and write from 6am to 2pm like it's a regular 9 to 5. I have to wait until the mood hits me, until the words are ready to pour out of me. Whenever I try to make myself sit down and write when I don't feel the magical "tingle" up and down my spine what comes out is stale and unworthy. But when I do feel the inspiration, I feel the work is beautiful and special, worthy of other's time and attention. I think this is mostly habit, and partly true. I have told this to myself over the years so many times that I believe it. I know if I just sat down every morning for an hour everyday, something wonderful would eventually come out of it. But I love that special "tingle" that I've divined as inspiration. If only I could bottle it up so I could access it whenever I wanted to write something lovely and amazing.